Capital Reviews

Magicka [game]

2012-02-06T14:48:00.000-08:00

IT'S SO WEIRD THAT I'M USING THIS PHRASE NOT AS AN INSULT: THIS GAME WAS WAY LONGER THAN IT NEEDED TO BE. IF IT HAD BEEN A THREE HOUR GAME I WOULDN'T HAVE FELT CHEATED BUT IT TOTALLY WAS WAY LONGER AND THAT TOTALLY IS NEAT, SINCE THEY REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

PS. IT IS NEAT THAT ALL THE ADVANCEMENT IN THIS GAME WAS PERSONAL ADVANCEMENT, THINGS LIKE ITEMS WERE EASY TO LOSE AND YOU NEVER LEVEL UP OR ANYTHING, BUT I FELT MUCH STRONGER AT THE END THAN THE START JUST BECAUSE I PERSONALLY GOT BETTER AT BEING A VIDEOGAME WIZARD.

Contagion [movie]

2012-02-04T20:53:00.001-08:00

THIS IS MOVIE OF THE YEAR BECAUSE THE UNDERDOG REPORTER WARNING THE GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRATS ENDED UP BEING A JERK SELLING SNAKE OIL INSTEAD OF THE MISUNDERSTOOD HERO LIKE HE WOULD BE IN EVERY OTHER HOLLYWOOD MOVIE EVER.

PS. DID IT FEEL LIKE THE SCALE OF THIS MOVIE WAS OFF? LIKE THAT THE MORTALITY RATES AND THE NUMBER DEAD WERE DEFINITELY SUPER BAD BUT TOTALLY OUT OF SCALE OF THE SORT OF BREAKDOWN OF SOCIETY AND ABANDONED CITIES THEY HAD BEEN SHOWING?

Karate Dog [movie]

2012-02-04T20:45:00.001-08:00

I WATCHED THIS MOVIE SOLELY BECAUSE OF THE NAME AND WAS NOT LET DOWN AT ALL. SOMEHOW THIS MOVIE EXISTS, A MOVIE WHERE A CGI DOG CHEVY CHASE FIGHTS JOHN VOIGHT WHO IS HIGH ON SUPER SERUM. ALSO THIS WHOLE MOVIE MADE NO SENSE IN TERMS OF THE POLICE ACTING LIKE THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE THE BAD GUY WAS THE KILLER IN SOME SCENES, THE ISSUE WAS THAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY EVIDENCE TO SHOW, NOT THAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW. THEY WATCHED HIM BLOW UP THEIR COMPUTERS AND RUIN THE EVIDENCE.

PS. I MEAN I GUESS THE DRUG MADE THE DOGS SICK AND VOIGHT SORT OF CRAZY EVENTUALLY BUT THE BAD GUY'S PLAN WAS TO GIVE PEOPLE ETERNAL YOUTH BECAUSE HIS PARENTS DIED WHEN HE WAS YOUNG AND HE NEVER WANTED ANOTHER CHILD TO BE AN ORPHAN AND THAT SEEMED LIKE A PRETTY NICE PLAN COMPARED TO THE GOOD GUY WHO WAS MURDERED BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO TURN THEM IN FOR FIXING DOG RACES.

Batman: Arkham Asylum [Gam]

2012-02-03T16:15:00.000-08:00

OKAY SO THIS GAME DESERVED ALL THE HYPE IT GOT, I ADMIT IT NOW. ALSO THIS GAME HAS TERRIBLE CONTROLS ON A KEYBOARD OR I AM TERRIBLE AT KEYBOARDS OR SOMETHING AND I NEEDED TO PUT IT DOWN TO EASY BECAUSE I WAS HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME DODGING IN FIGHTS I HAD TO THROW BATERANGS. AND THAT WAS SORT OF UNFORTUNATE BECAUSE ON EASY THE STEALTH SECTIONS BECOME HONOR BASED BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU COULD JUST BEAT EVERYONE UP DIRECTLY.

PS. I LOVE THE JOKER IN THIS, HARLE LOOKED DUMB BUT I LOVED HER GOOD OLD VOICE AND THE WAY SHE SAID B-MAN IN A WAY YOU COULDN'T TELL IF SHE WAS TRYING TO SAY BATMAN OR NOT AND I LOVED THAT THE KILLER CROC WAS SOMETHING OTHER THAN GOOFY FOR ONCE, I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE THE SCARECROW DESIGN BUT I MEAN HE HAD SOME OF THE BEST PARTS SO THAT IS FORGIVABLE, MY COMPUTER TOTALLY WOULD CRASH ON A MOVIE LOAD, IT SEEMED BELIEVABLE.

The Dark Knight

2012-01-29T19:13:00.000-08:00

THIS IS NOT A BATMAN MOVIE, IT IS A WICKED AWESOME MOVIE ABOUT PHILOSOPHY OF MORALITY AND DOG METAPHORS THAT JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE A BATMAN IN IT SOMETIMES.

PS. I GET THAT SOMEONE THOUGH THAT 'HEY BATS HAVE SONAR' AND PUT IN THE SONAR PHONE/EYES SUBPLOT BUT MAN DID THAT NOT FIT IN THIS MOVIE AT ALL, EVEN IF THAT HAD BEEN SOMETHING THE COMICS MADE UP 50 YEARS AGO INSTEAD OF A GIMMICK THIS MOVIE MADE UP I FEEL IT'D BE A THING THE MOVIE WOULD BURY, NOT FEATURE.

Troll Hunter [movie]

2012-01-16T06:59:00.001-08:00

THIS WAS A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE BUT I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND THE DECISION TO MAKE ABOUT A THIRD OF THE ENTIRE MOVIE JUST SCENES OF THEM DRIVING. IS IT THAT THING FROM OLD 1940S MOVIES WHERE THEY HAVE TO ASSUME NO ONE HAS FILM LITERACY ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE MOVED LOCATION IF THEY DON'T SHOW EVERY STEP OF DRIVING THERE?

PS. THE PART THEY PUT THREE GOATS ON A BRIDGE TO GET A TROLL WAS DUMB AND THE FACT THAT HAPPENED MADE THE MOVIE SEEM DUMBER.

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap [game]

2012-01-15T16:58:00.000-08:00

LIKE METROID FUSION THIS IS ANOTHER AMAZING 2D ENTRY GAME IN A SERIES I LOVE THAT I BARELY KNEW EXISTED BEYOND HAVING HEARD THE NAME BECAUSE I SKIPPED THE GBA ENTIRELY. I THINK MAYBE ALL I NEED IN LIFE IS A BUNCH OF 2D ZELDA GAMES, THIS GAME WAS SUPER GREAT AND THE ITEMS WERE MOSTLY PRETTY INVENTIVE AND NOT JUST ALL VARIATIONS ON ZELDA STANDARDS. ON THE FLIP SIDE ALL THE UNIQUE SYSTEMS THING GAME HAD WERE ALL TERRIBLE: 4 SWORDS STUFF WAS JUST SHOWCASES OF BAD CONTROLS, KINSTONES JUST MADE IT SO YOU WERE NEVER QUITE SURE IF A PUZZLE WAS A PUZZLE OR IF YOU'D EVENTUALLY UNLOCK SOME PART WITH A KINSTONE THAT MADE IT DOABLE AND THE MINISH STUFF ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE IT WAS ON RAILS.

PS. THE LAST BOSS HAD AN EYE-GINA.

Book of Eli [movie]

2012-01-15T07:09:00.000-08:00

I ALREADY KNEW BOTH OF THE SUPER DUMB TWISTS BEFORE I WATCHED THIS MOVIE AND I BASICALLY JUST WANTED SOMETHING TO BE ON IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE I READ FOR A WHILE. I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THE BAD GUY'S PLAN IS MAYBE THE DUMBEST PLAN I HAVE EVER HEARD EVER AND WOULD HAVE FIT BETTER IN A SUNDAY SCHOOL COMIC BOOK OR SOMETHING.

PS. THIS MOVIE DID NOT KNOW WHEN TO END AND HAD LIKE 5 SCENES BEYOND THE POINT THE MOVIE SHOULD HAVE ENDED.

Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife [book]

2012-01-09T18:43:00.000-08:00

THIS IS IT, WHEN I FOUND OUT THE POCKET IN A SKIRT THAT MARY TOFT USED WAS CALLED A 'HARE POCKET' I LAUGHED UNTIL I DIED, I AM DEAD NOW. ALSO I LEARNED THAT THE SUPERNATURAL CONNECTION OF INFRASOUND IS THAT EYEBALLS VIBRATE AT 19HZ AND THAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU ARE SEEING THINGS OUT OF THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE.

PS. I LOVE THIS AUTHOR SO MUCH, BUT SHE ALWAYS MAKES ME WANT TO READ THE BOOKS SHE MENTIONS AND WHERE THE HECK AM I GOING TO FIND "THE OVARIES OF EVE"?

Another Earth [movie]

2012-01-07T17:23:00.000-08:00

I CLEARLY AM WATCHING THESE MOVIES AS A THEME FOR THIS WEEKEND, IS THERE A THIRD? ALSO MAYBE THAT WAS THE WRONG WAY TO WATCH THESE MOVIES BECAUSE THIS IS CLEARLY A REALLY GOOD MOVIE BUT THE OTHER ONE WAS BETTER AND THEY ARE SO IDENTICAL IT MADE THIS ONE WORSE.

PS: MAYBE IT MAKES SENSE THERE IS TWO SEMI-IDENTICAL BUT DIFFERENT MOVIES ABOUT THIS?

Torchlight [game]

2012-01-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

I CAN'T EVER NOT LIKE DIABLO-LIKES AND I ENJOYED THIS GAME A TON BUT MAN IS IT FRUSTRATING TO BE LACKING THINGS LIKE NIGHTMARE/HELL PROGRESSION AND DOUBLE FRUSTRATING HOW STRONG PASSIVE SKILLS ARE TO THE POINT IT'S HARD TO EVER JUSTIFY ACTIVE SKILLS.

PS. ON THE OTHER HAND PETS ARE A RAD SYSTEM AND I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU CAN TEACH PETS SUMMON SPELLS AND TAKE THE EXTREME EXCESS OF DIABLO TWO'S SUMMONER LAZYNESS TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL WHERE YOU FINALLY ARE FREED FROM PLAYING THE GAME AT ALL.

Metroid Fusion [game]

2012-01-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

I GUESS I ONLY BARELY KNEW THIS GAME EXISTED TILL NOW, I THINK MAYBE I HAD SEEN ONE SCREEN SHOT OF IT AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE BUT BOY THIS WAS A RAD GAME. ON THE OTHER HAND THE LAST BOSS WAS JUST A RIP OFF OF THE LAST BOSS OF SUPER METROID BUT WITH THE MURDER BEAM REPLACED WITH THE ICE BEAM AND THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF THE BABY METROID REPLACED WITH LITERALLY NOTHING.

PS. OH GOD THIS IS TOO HARD TO PLAY ON THE 3DS, THERE WAS A FEW FIGHTS YOU HAD TO SHOOT CHARGED MISSILES AT THE BOSS AT AN ANGLE AND IF I HAD TO FIGHT THE BOSS A FEW TIMES I'D HAVE TO REST BECAUSE MY HANDS WOULD BE SHAKING TOO MUCH FROM HAVING TO HOLD THEM SUCH AN AWKWARD WAY.

Melancholia [movie]

2012-01-06T20:28:00.000-08:00

THE POINT OF EVERY LARS VAN TRIER MOVIE IS THAT YOUR TERRIBLE WIFE WILL BECOME TOO DEPRESSED TO MOVE THEN BECOME A TERRIBLE MONSTER.

PS. THIS MOVIE IS BASICALLY THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5Mf2mp6fms

Jamestown [game]

2011-12-31T08:07:00.000-08:00

LIKE 90% OF THE REASON I LIKE THIS GAME IS THAT THEY ARE SPOT ON ON THE WAY PEOPLE USED TO WRITE BOOK TITLES BEFORE PEOPLE CAUGHT ON ON THE FACT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE BOOK TITLES LIKE THAT.

PS. I POKED AT THIS GAME FOR WEEKS BARELY ABLE TO CRAWL THROUGH LEVELS ON EASY USING THE KEYBOARD AS A CONTROLLER THEN REALIZED I COULD PLAY WITH THE MOUSE AND BEAT THE WHOLE GAME IN ONE GO ON THE DIFFICULTY ONE HARDER THAN 'DIFFICULT'

Wario Ware [game]

2011-12-23T16:37:00.000-08:00

OH GOD I AM FILLED WITH TERROR AT HOW OFTEN I DIED IN THIS GAME DUE TO LACK OF ATTENTION SPAN. I THINK I ONLY PLAY PORTABLE GAMES WHILE WATCHING INTERNET VIDEOS AND WELP!

PS. THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY META ABOUT PLAYING A 8 YEAR OLD GAME THAT IS ALL KITSCHY ABOUT 10 YEAR OLD GAMES.

Cars 2 [movie]

2011-12-19T15:47:00.000-08:00

I DIDN'T REALLY LIKE CARS 1 BUT I WATCHED LIKE HALF OF THIS AT WORK SO I FIGURED I SHOULD FINISH IT UP AND MAN AM I UPSET ABOUT CARS SOCIETY! I MEAN THEY ARE THE BAD GUYS AND THEIR PLAN WAS KINDA EVIL BUT THE LEMONS CLEARLY ARE IN THE RIGHT, IT SEEMS THAT THEIR PARTS ARE NO LONGER MANUFACTURED AND THE FACT THEY BUY THEM ON THE BLACK MARKET INDICATES THEY ARE ILLEGAL IN SOME WAY SEEMS TO MEAN CARS OF THE LEMON SPECIES ARE AN ABSURDLY OPPRESSED CLASS AND SO I'M PRETTY DOWN WITH THEIR REVOLT.

PS. I LIKE THIS MOVIE HAD TO GRIND THE 'TOW-MATER, TOMATO" JOKE SO HARD BECAUSE I CAN BE HONEST AND SAY I NEVER GOT IT IN THE FIRST MOVIE AND I DON'T REALLY KNOW ANYONE ELSE DIE EITHER.

Tron Legacy [movie]

2011-12-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

THIS MOVIE WASN'T AWFUL AND HAD SOME 80S TUNES AND RAD CAPES BUT THEN IT ALSO HAD EASTERN PHILOSOPHY AND WIRE FIGHTING THAT MADE IT SEEM AN AWFUL LOT LIKE IT WASN'T CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO BE IT'S OWN MOVIE AND COULDN'T HELP BUT BEING MATRIX FOR SOME REASON.

PS. A++++ ON THE WARGAMES REFERENCE, THIS IS LITERALLY THE ONLY MOVIE THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HAD ENOUGH 80S CRED TO THROW THAT IN AND NOT SEEM LIKE IT HAD NOT EARNED IT.

Skyrim [game]

2011-12-04T12:10:00.000-08:00

YEAH I BEAT THIS GAME, AND I FEEL ALMOST EMBARRASSED BY THAT, PLAYING THE MAIN STORY ISN'T THE RIGHT WAY TO PLAY ELDER SCROLLS GAMES AND IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE TO HAVE ACTUALLY BEAT IT MEANS I PLAYED IT WRONG. EVEN THE GAME ITSELF HAS A 'FUCK, I DON'T KNOW" FEELING TO ACTUALLY ENDING THE STORY WHERE THE LAST BOSS IS NOTHING AND IT SORT OF UNCEREMONIOUSLY DUMPS YOU BACK INTO THE WORLD AFTER WITH NO FANFARE AND LITTLE INDICATION YOU BEAT THE GAME. I THINK THE REASON I DECIDED TO BEAT IT IS THAT I WAS 60 HOURS IN AND WAS STARTING TO BURN OUT, AND KNOW THE WAY THESE GAMES WORK IS THAT THE ADDONS AND DLC ARE BETTER THAN THE ACTUAL GAME IS IN EVERY CASE AND IT'D BE BETTER IF I PUT THIS DOWN NOW AND WAIT TILL THAT STUFF IS OUT SO I CAN PLAY IT WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I WAS PICKING UP A GAME I HAD OVERPLAYED ALREADY.

PS. THE ONLY COMPLAINT I HAVE WITH THIS GAME IS: WHY THE HECK DID THEY NEED TO USE THE JADE/RUBY/DIAMOND/IVORY/WHATEVER DRAGON CLAW PUZZLE AND THE FISH/BIRD/SNAKE PILLAR PUZZLE SO MANY TIMES? IT WASN'T THAT GREAT A PUZZLE THE FIRST TIME AND THEY REUSED IT AT LEAST 6 TIMES JUST IN PLACES I WENT WHICH MEANS THEY PROBABLY USED IT ANOTHER HALF DOZEN TIMES I DIDN'T SEE.

Grow up Timmy Turner [movie]

2011-12-01T17:53:00.000-08:00

THIS MOVIE IS SO COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY TERRIBLE THAT IT'S KINDA AWESOME.

PS: SCENE OF THE FOREVER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Y1w5zMjuzoY#t=2238s

Xenoblade Chronicals [game]

2011-11-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

THIS IS CERTAINLY THE BEST WII GAME AND VERY EASILY THE BEST JRPG MADE IN THE LAST TEN YEARS AND I FEEL ALMOST ANGISH IN THE FACT THAT THE NICHE APPEAL OF A GAME LIKE THIS AND THE LARGE HOOPS AN AMERICAN NEEDS TO JUMP THROUGH TO PLAY IT MEANS IT'S VERY UNLIKELY I WILL EVER HAVE ANYONE TO DISCUSS IT WITH. I CAN'T EVEN LIST THE WAYS THIS GAME DID THINGS RIGHT, UP TO THE POINT I WAS EQUIPPING PEOPLE I DIDN'T EVEN USE JUST TO MAKE THEM LOOK COOL IN CUTSCENES AND MY BIGGEST COMPLAINT IS THAT THERE WAS SO MANY SYSTEMS I FELT BAD I COULDN'T DO THEM ALL.

PS. ACTUALLY MY BIGGEST COMPLAINT IS THAT WII CONTROLS ARE AWFUL AND EVEN AFTER PLAYING 68 HOURS OF THIS GAME I STILL HAD TO LOOK AT THE CONTROLLER TO REMEMBER HOW TO BRING UP THE MAP.

Summer Wars [movie]

2011-11-26T20:29:00.000-08:00

THIS IS A REMAKE OF THE DIGIMON MOVIE YOU KNOW, BUT WITHOUT DIGIMON, I MISS DIGIMON AND THE PEOPLE I USED TO WATCH DIGIMON WITH. I LOOKED IT UP AND THEY ARE MAKING A NEW SERIES RIGHT NOW, BUT MAYBE IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME, EVEN IF IT'S GOOD.

PS. THE DIGIMON MOVIE REALLY DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE ANYWAY AND IT MADE MORE SENSE THIS WAY AS A WEIRD FAMILY DRAMA.

I'm a cyborg but thats okay [movie]

2011-11-26T05:37:00.000-08:00

I HAD TO GO TO SLEEP AND THEN WAKE UP TO REALIZE THAT THE REASON HE GOT SYMPATHY IS THAT HE STOLE IT FROM HER AND HAD TO LOOK ON WIKIPEDIA TO GET HE PUT THE CORK ON THE ANTENNA SO IT WOULDN'T WORK SUPER CLEVER MOVIE.

PS. THIS MOVIE IS THE START OF A NEW AGE WHERE I HAVE A BIG ENOUGH MONITOR I CAN WATCH MOVIES WITH SUBTITLES FROM BED AGAIN.

The Squid and the Whale [movie]

2011-11-23T05:24:00.000-08:00

MAN THIS MOVIE DID A REALLY GREAT JOB OF WRITING PEOPLE SPEAKING SNIPPY TO EACHOTHER. I THINK MAYBE IT SEEMED WEIRD THAT PINK FLOYD WAS OBSCURE ENOUGH TO WIN THE PRIZE, IT MADE A LOT OF SENSE WHEN IT WAS FOOLING THE PARENTS SINCE THEY WERE BOTH OUT OF TOUCH AND WILLING TO BELIEVE HE'D WRITE A THING LIKE THAT BUT IT FELT WEIRD THAT IT (TEMPORARILY) FOOLED EVERYONE AT THE TALENT SHOW IN THE 80S.

PS. I WATCHED THIS MOVIE BECAUSE HIPSTERS LIKE IT AND I WANT TO LIKE THINGS HIPSTERS LIKE SO I CAN BE A HIPSTER AND GAIN AN IDENTITY.

A Planet of Viruses [book]

2011-11-20T08:02:00.000-08:00

THIS BOOK WAS TOO SHORT TO BE REALLY SUPER EDUCATIONAL BUT MY BRAIN IS PRETTY BLOWN JUST LEARNING THAT ENDOGENOUS VIRUSES EXIST BECAUSE HOLY CRAP, ALSO HOLY CRAP THAT SOMEONE WAS COMIC BOOK ENOUGH TO NAME THE HUMAN ONE THE PHOENIX VIRUS.

PS. MAYBE I JUST READ THIS BOOK BECAUSE FACEBOOK DISCONTINUED NOTE IMPORTING AND I NEEDED TO 'REVIEW' SOMETHING TO SEE IF THE APP TO REPLACE IT WORKED RIGHT.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution [game]

2011-11-19T18:52:00.001-08:00

I PLAYED THIS GAME FOR A FEW HOURS, GOT THREE AUGMENTATIONS, LOOKED AT GAME FAQS AND WAS TOLD I GOT THE THREE WORST AUGMENTATIONS AND TURNED THIS GAME OFF FOREVER BECAUSE I REMEMBERED I HATE FPS GAMES.

PS. THE FIRST ONE IS STILL SUPER THOUGH!

Ready Player One [book]

2011-11-02T15:33:00.000-07:00

THE TOWN HAS A NEW LIBRARIAN WHO ACTUALLY IS TRYING TO MODERNIZE THE LIBRARY, BECAUSE OF THAT I HAVE HAD TO SPEND MORE TIME IN THE TOWN LIBRARY FOR WORK. AFTER SETTING UP WIFI SHE GAVE ME A BOOK TO READ, AND I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE THE BEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN AND IS SORT OF DOOFY BUT HOLY CRAP I DON'T THINK ANYONE HAS EVER MORE ACCURATELY CALLED A BOOK I SHOULD READ, FOR EXAMPLE: THE BOOK ENDS WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER HAVING TO FIGHT A NAMED BY NAME EVANGELION.

PS. WAIT SO WHY DID IT MATTER IF THE AUDIO CUT OFF AT THE END? THEY WERE ALL IN THE SAME BUILDING WHY COULDN'T THEY WALK OVER TO HIM IRL AND JUST TALK TO HIM THAT WAY? REALLY ALL THE IRL PARTS OF THIS STORY WERE AWFUL AND I HATED THAT THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH HIM BEING A POOR ORPHAN SHIVERING IN A VAN WHILE HE DID COOL THINGS IN HIS MMORPG INTERNET.

Human Centipede II: Second Sequence [movie]

2011-11-01T04:22:00.000-07:00

SO THEY DID THAT THING BLAIR WITCH TWO DID WHERE IT'S A MOVIE WHERE THE FIRST MOVIE IS A MOVIE IN THE MOVIE UNIVERSE AND ALSO THEY DID THAT THING WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS A SHORT OVERWEIGHT MUTE BRITISH RETARDED MAN. GREAT, GREAT JOB. ACTUALLY OTHER THAN THE FACT THE GORE IS WAY MORE OVERBOARD BECAUSE THEY HAVE A HIGHER BUDGET THIS MOVIE IS WAY BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE, ESPECIALLY THE SOUND EFFECTS THAT SEEM LIKE THEY ARE OUT OF A GROSS BUGS BUNNY CARTOON.

PS. SOMEONE POINTED OUT THAT SINCE THIS MOVIE STARTS WITH HIM WATCHING THE END OF THE FIRST MOVIE IT IS AS IF THE MOUTH OF THIS MOVIE IS ATTACHED TO THE ANUS OF THE FIRST MOVIE.

Four Warriors of light [game]

2011-10-29T16:35:00.001-07:00

THIS GAME SEEMED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO BE REALLY GOOD AND IT KINDA WAS BUT BASICALLY THE SECOND HALF OF THE GAME WAS JUST REDOING THE FIRST HALF OF THE GAME WITH STRONGER ENEMIES AND THE LEVEL SCALING MADE EVERYTHING WAY TOO EASY OR HARD SO IT WASN'T FUN AFTER ALL.

PS. AND IT'S REALLY CLEAR HOW AT THE END OF THE DEVELOPMENT THEY WENT "OH CRAP WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO BALANCE THESE SKILLS" SO THEY JUST MADE LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE QUEST SOMEHOW DEPOWER YOU OR LOSE YOUR SKILLS OR SEPARATE THE PARTY.

Submarine [movie]

2011-10-29T08:17:00.001-07:00

THIS IS THE MOVIE YOU'D GET IF YOU ASKED A WELSH MICHAL CERA TO REMAKE CLOCKWORK ORANGE.

PS. ALSO INSTEAD OF ULTRA VIOLENCE HE GOT CONFUSED AND WATCHED NAPOLEON DYNAMITE AND ADDED A MYSTIC NINJA.

Wet Goddess [book]

2011-10-21T14:58:00.001-07:00

THIS IS A BOOK WRITTEN BY A GUY THAT HAD SEX WITH DOLPHINS BECAUSE HE TAUGHT A DOLPHIN TO SPEAK ENGLISH THEN IT TRIED TO RAM HIM TO DEATH AND HE KNEW THAT WAS A SIGN IT WAS SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED AND ALSO HE HAD SEX WITH A DOG AND ALSO THIS IS THE WORST BOOK EVER.

PS. MY RULE IS NORMALLY THAT I CAN'T POST ONE OF THESE TILL I FINISH A THING BUT I MEAN I READ A FEW OF THE WORDS ON MOST OF THE PAGES SO THAT IS CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THIS AWFUL BOOK.

Final Flesh [movie]

2011-10-18T17:29:00.000-07:00

I MEAN I DON'T KNOW THIS IS A FILM AS MUCH AS IT IS A PRANK BUT THERE ARE COMPANIES THAT WILL FILM PORN SCRIPTS FOR MONEY AND SOME GUY MAILED FOUR OF THEM A NON-PORN SCRIPT AND PAID THEM TO FILM A NONSENSICAL PRETENTIOUS FILM AND THAT WAS THIS MOVIE. KINDA THE FIRST SEGMENT WAS THE ONLY GOOD PART AND IT WENT DOWN HILL AS IT WENT ALONG BUT SOME LADY BREAST FEEDING A RAW STEAK WAS SOME PRETTY QUALITY FILM MAKING.

PS. THE BEST PART WAS THE FILM TROUP THAT JUST FILMED IT AS PORNOGRAPHY ANYWAY AND COULDN'T PRONOUNCE ANY OF THE WORDS.

The Binding of Issac [game]

2011-10-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

I ONLY HAVE 4 WORDS: HOLY CRAP THIS GAME. IT'S A ROUGELIKE ZELDA WITH WALKING VAGINAS AND FLOATING ABORTIONS.

PS. THE SECRET TO WINNING IS TO GET GOOD ENOUGH ITEMS SO YOU KEEP PROGRESSION, BUT NOT SO GREAT YOU FREAK OUT BECAUSE YOU HAVE A ONCE IN A LIFETIME SETUP AND YOUR TOO AFRAID TO RUIN IT.

Deadgirl [movie]

2011-10-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

THE PLOT OF THIS MOVIE IS THAT SOME BROS FIND A GIRL TIED UP AND DECIDE TO MAKE HER A RAPE SLAVE THEN IT TURNS OUT SHE'S A ZOMBIE SO THEN THEY HAVE A ZOMBIE RAPE SLAVE INSTEAD.

PS. THIS IS REALLY QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST BRO MOVIE EVER MADE AND EVEN THE PROTAGONIST IS AT BEST ONLY EVER CONFLICTED AT THE CONCEPT OF KEEPING A WOMAN AS A RAPE SLAVE AND ONLY EVER IS ACTUALLY UPSET WHEN THE GIRL HE LIKES IS IN DANGER (A GIRL THAT HE EVENTUALLY RAPES ALSO).

metroid [game]

2011-09-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WAS LIKE THE THIRD GAME I EVER OWNED AND I AM PRETTY SURE TODAY WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER BEAT IT.

PS. BECAUSE THE INTERNET HAD A MAP, THIS GAME IS ABSURD WITHOUT A MAP, ALSO IF YOU DIE YOU MIGHT AS WELL THROW THE GAME IN THE TRASH BECAUSE FILLING YOUR HEALTH AND MISSILES BACK UP TAKES LIKE 35 MINUTES.

Speaking Treason Fluently [book]

2011-09-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

THIS IS A BOOK THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO BE ALL SMUG AND SAY 'HEH, I KNEW THAT ALREADY' ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT REALLY EVEN IF YOU DID YOU PROBABLY NEVER ACTIVELY THOUGHT ABOUT 90% OF THE STUFF, I KNOW IT MADE ME RETHINK RAP MUSIC.

PS. THIS BOOK WAS FROM 2008 AND HAD A SORT OF PAINFUL CHAPTER ON TIGER WOODS THAT MADE ME WANTED TO INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND GO TELL HIM HOW THAT WORKED OUT.

The legend of zelda [game]

2011-09-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

THIS IS THE FIRST GAME I EVER OWNED BUT NOW I'VE PLAYED IT AGAIN AND I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS, SUCH AS: WHEN WOULD YOU EVER USE THE RED CANDLE EVER? WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE WOODEN BOOMERANGE AND WHY IS IT IN THE GAME AT ALL? WHY DO SOME OF THE LEVELS HAVE USELESS SECRET ENTRANCES? WHY ARE WEAPONS SO GLITCHY IF YOU STAND IN THE DOOR? WHY IS THE BRACELET PRETTY MUCH JUST A MORE DIFFRENT WARP FLUTE IN THE FIRST QUEST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY TO FIND SOME TOKEN USE FOR IT OTHER THAN FAST TRAVEL?

PS. I PLAYED THIS WITHOUT GUDES AND I LOVE THAT I REMEMBER WHAT BUSHES TO BURN EXACTLY BUT FORGOT THE MAGIC KEY EVEN EXISTED TILL AFTER I BEAT THE GAME.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes [movie]

2011-09-20T16:27:00.001-07:00

THIS WAS A GOOD MOVIE BUT I LOVE THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY REIMAGINGS AND REMAKES AND PREQUELS THEY MAKE THE ORIGIN STORY IS NEVER THAT WE BLEW IT ALL UP, IT'S ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC SCENES IN ALL OF MOVIE HISTORY AND NOT ONCE HAS IT EVER ACTUALLY BEEN THE ORIGIN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES.

PS. IT'S WEIRD BECAUSE HE SAYS NO BECAUSE SLAVE APES COULDN'T SAY NO AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN WICKED DRAMATIC IF IT WAS IN A TOTALLY SEPARATE MOVIE NO ONE EVEN WATCHED.

synecdoche new york [movie]

2011-09-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

I DON'T WANNA BE THAT GUY. :(

PS. THIS MOVIE DOESN'T END UP BEING WHAT THE START OF THIS MOVIE MAKES YOU THINK IT WILL BE.

Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo [movie]

2011-09-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I WATCHED THIS NOW INSTEAD OF YEARS AGO WHEN I STILL CARED ABOUT TEEN TITANS BUT ALSO IT WASN'T VERY GOOD AND JUST MADE ME WONDER WHY THERE WAS A TIME I'D SAY I 'CARED ABOUT' TEEN TITANS.

PS. I LOVE ANY AMERICAN THING SET IN JAPAN BECAUSE I ALWAYS FEEL SUPER FLUENT IN JAPANESE BUT REALLY IT'S JUST THAT EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN WRITER THAT NEEDS TO WRITE JAPANESE IS USING THE SAME "I WATCHED A BUNCH OF ANIME THAT USED ROSETTA STONE FOR A WHILE" EDUCATION I DID SO HAS THE EXACT SAME VOCABULARY.

Wristcutters: a love story [movie]

2011-09-10T20:22:00.000-07:00

THIS IS A PRETTY GREAT MOVIE, THE PREMISE IS THAT PEOPLE THAT KILL THEMSELVES GO TO AN AFTERLIFE THAT IS JUST LIKE THIS WORLD BUT SLIGHTLY WORSE AND IT DID A GREAT JOB OF MAKING A GREAT CRAPSACK WORLD WITHOUT BEING ALL GRIM ABOUT IT.

PS. GOB WAS IN IT BEING GOB, GOB IS ONLY GOB IN EVERYTHING HE IS IN AND THAT IS FINE WITH ME.

I is an Other [book]

2011-09-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

WELP, I READ A BOOK ABOUT METAPHORS AND IT HAS SENT ME INTO A CRISIS DUE TO THE FACT HUMANS ARE RIDICULOUS AND CLEARLY ONLY BARELY SENTIENT IF EVEN THAT AND ALSO MADE ME IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK TO BECAUSE ALL I WANT TO DO IS POINT OUT DEAD METAPHOR IN EVERYTHING EVERYONE SAYS.

PS. ALSO IT TOTALLY MENTION THAT EPISODE OF STAR TREK NEXT GENERATION

The Last Airbender [movie]

2011-09-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

I GUESS THIS WASN'T THE ABOMINATION I HAD HEARD, I WATCHED IT ON A BUS AND IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR THAT BUT I ALSO THINK IT WAS A WICKED DISAPPOINTING MOVIE THAT WOULD BE TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO ANYONE THAT DIDN'T KNOW THE STORY OF THE SHOW BY HEART. I DON'T THINK I COULD EVEN NAME A SINGLE CHARACTER IF I DIDN'T KNOW THEM ALREADY.

PS. I MEAN FOR GOODNESS SAKE LIKE HALF OF THE PLOT HAPPENS OFF SCREEN WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT? WHY WAS THIS MOVIE 90 MINUTES LONG?

Captain America [movie]

2011-08-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

I MEAN THIS WASN'T A BAD MOVIE BUT THE WHOLE 'HAIL HYDRA' DOUBLE FIST BUMP THING WAS SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE TO WATCH, JEEZ.

PS. HAS THERE EVER BEEN A MOVIE SERIES BEFORE THAT DID THIS SHARED UNIVERSE THING? THIS ACTUALLY SEEMS LIKE A UNIQUE IDEA THAT I'M SURPRISED TOOK THIS LONG TO COME UP WITH.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language for Life [book]

2011-08-22T16:51:00.001-07:00

I TRIED TO READ THIS BOOK AFTER A FIGHT BUT I COULDN'T PAY ATTENTION SO I GOT THE AUDIO BOOK VERSION AND LISTENED TO CHAPTERS WHILE PLAYING LEAUGE OF LEGENDS ON THE PREMISE EVERYONE ON LEAUGE OF LEGENDS ARE AWFUL AND SAY AWFUL THINGS AT ALL TIMES TO COMPARE WHAT IT SAYS TO.

PS. EVERY STORY IN THIS BOOK SEEMS WICKED MADE UP.

Six String Samurai [movie]

2011-08-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

YOU KNOW WHAT, FOR A MOVIE THAT HAD EVERY ELEMENT I LIKE IN A MOVIE I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE THIS MOVIE VERY MUCH. IT JUST FELT BORING. WHY WAS EVERYTHING DUBBED IN SO POORLY? WAS IT A 'HURR SAMURAI MOVIE" JOKE? BECAUSE IT JUST MADE IT GRATING TO WATCH.

PS. WATCHING MOVIES SMASHES MY IDEA THAT FALLOUT WAS ORIGINAL ABOUT ANYTHING EVER!

Birthright [book]

2011-08-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

I DON'T KNOW THAT I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE ALIVE AFTER READING A DIABLO BOOK BUT I MEAN IT WAS AN OKAY BOOK. SEE, DIABLO JESUS IS LIKE GOING AROUND HEALING THE SICK AND PREACHING THE VALUE OF ALL PEOPLE AND IT TURNS OUT THAT HEAVEN IS PRETTY AWFUL AND AS INDIFFERENT AS HELL AND SOME DUMB JESUS WALKING AROUND SHOWING THAT PEOPLE HAVE ACTUAL POWER IS GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING ABOUT HEAVEN AND HELL IGNORING HUMANITY.

PS. ALSO THE DIABLO CATHOLIC CHURCH REALLY HATES DIABLO JESUS BECAUSE THE POPE IS A DEMON JUST LIKE REAL LIFE.

Alphabounce

2011-08-11T18:03:00.001-07:00

I NORMALLY ONLY TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ONCE I'VE FINISHED IT BUT THIS GAME HAS LIKE 400,000 LEVELS AND I KEEP REPLAYING IT EVERY TIME I WIN AND PROBOBLY WILL BE FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE ARKANOID + AN RPG IS THE BEST THING.

PS. THE BEST THING IS HOW GLITCHY THIS GAME IS AND HOW OVERPOWERED ITEMS PLAY AGAINST IMPOSSIBLY GLITCHED OUT LEVELS.

Cyberbully [movie]

2011-08-10T20:45:00.000-07:00

WHAT WAS SAMANTHA'S MOTIVATION! NO SERIOUSLY WHAT WAS SAMANTHA'S MOTIVATION? THEY NEVER MENTION IN ANY WAY WHY SHE WAS BEING A CYBERBULLY TO HER BEST FRIEND. ACTUALLY I DON'T THINK I UNDERSTAND THE THEMATIC REASON TO DECIDE THAT ALL THE PRIMARY INSTANCES OF CYBERBULLYING EVENTUALLY TURNED OUT TO BE FRIENDS AND FAMILY. WHAT WAS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THAT?

PS. THIS MOVIE IS REEFER MADNESS: FACEBOOK EDITION AND EVERYONE THAT HAS WATCHED THIS MOVIE WATCHED IT BECAUSE THEY SAW THIS.

Transformers 3 [movie[

2011-08-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

SO WAIT THE PAY OFF TO THE GUY BEING A CONTROLLING JEALOUS JERK WAS THAT HE WAS SECRETLY A MASTER BADGUY? THE PAY OFF OF THE 'DON'T CALL ME MA'AM' LADY WAS THAT SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO LEAD? GREAT JOB MOVIE, GREAT JOB.

PS. WHY DID THEY ONLY BRING ONE MISSILE, THEY KNEW THEY WHERE THEY WERE GOING AND THAT WAS CLEARLY NOT A SINGLE USE LAUNCHER, WHY WAS THAT EVEN IN THE MOVIE ANYWAY, THEY DIDN'T EVEN FIRE THEIR SINGLE MISSILE ANYWAY

Hypertrophy Genital Girls [movie]

2011-08-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

YOU KNOW, I'VE KNOWN THIS MOVIE EXISTED FOR YEARS AND NEVER GOT AROUND TO WATCHING IT, ON ONE HAND NOBORU IGUCHI IS JUST ABOUT THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THIS ONE IS JUST A FLAT OUT POROGRAPHY THAT JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE HIS INSANITY MAKEUP INCLUDED. I THINK MAYBE I HAD HOPED IT WOULD BE MORE NOBORU AND LESS PORONO BECAUSE REALLY IT WAS JUST 4 RAPE SCENES IN A ROW THEN AN HOUR LONG SCENE WITH THE TWO GIRLS HAVING 'SEX' AND PRETTY MUCH NO STORY. ALSO THERE IS NO TRANSLATION SO MY KNOWLEDGE OF JAPANESE WAS ALL I COULD USE TO FOLLOW THE STORY, LUCKY I KNOW "ALIEN", "CUNT", "WEIRDO", 'WHAT?' AND "STOP!" AND THAT IS REALLY ALL THERE WAS.

PS. THE ONLY TWO PARTS THAT HAD THE MAGIC OF HIS REAL MOVIES WAS THE ALIEN PUNCHING THE GIRLS SUDDENLY WITH NO BUILD UP AND ALSO THE FACT THE VERY LAST SCENE IS THE GIRLS KISSING IN A SHOWER OF BLOOD COMING OUT OF THE GIRL'S GIANT PAPER MACHE VAGINA. WHAT?

The Dark Hours [movie]

2011-08-02T16:25:00.000-07:00

OH HEY, IT TURNS OUT "THE DARK HOUR" AND "THE DARK HOURS" ARE TWO TOTALLY SEPARATE MOVIES THAT JUST HAPPENED TO COME OUT AT ABOUT THE SAME TIME AND I TOTALLY MEANT TO DOWNLOAD HOUR AND ACCIDENTALLY DOWNLOADED HOURS AND WELP!

PS. I LIKE IT BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT DARK HOUR EXCEPT IT'S A POST APOCALYPTIC MOVIE WHERE THE HAVE TO TURN THE HEAT OFF FOR AN HOUR A DAY TO KILL MONSTERS AND A BIG THEME OF THIS MOVIE WAS SNOW AND COLD AND SO IT SEEMED PLAUSIBLE THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH THE MOVIE THAT THIS WAS STILL GOING TO TURN OUT TO BE THE RIGHT MOVIE BUT INSTEAD THE TWIST WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS HIGH ON EXPERIMENTAL CANCER DRUGS.

A boy and his dog [movie]

2011-07-29T19:36:00.000-07:00

WHAAAAAAAT? THIS IS A MOVIE ABOUT A POST APOCALYPTIC WORLD WHERE A BOY AND HIS PSYCHIC DOG USE THE DOG'S PSYCHIC POWERS TO FIND WOMEN TO RAPE BUT THEN THE BOY FALLS IN LOVE WITH ONE OF THE VICTIMS SO THEY GO OFF TO SAVE HER AND THE DOG HAS TO WAIT OUTSIDE AS HE GOES UNDERGROUND, THEN A BUNCH OF STUFF HAPPENS INCLUDING A TWIST THAT A CHARACTER THAT IS BARELY ON SCREEN IS SHOWN TO BE A ROBOT AND THEY SAVE THE GIRL AND GET BACK TO THE SURFACE, BUT IT'S BEEN SO MANY DAYS THAT THE DOG IS STARVING BECAUSE HE WAITED, THE GIRL SAYS IT'S TOO LATE AND THAT SHE LOVES THE BOY, SO THE BOY *KILLS AND EATS THE GIRL* THE END!

THIS MOVIE MAY OR MAY NOT BE AN INSPIRATION FOR ADVENTURE TIME.

PS. THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE IS THAT IT WAS AFTER WORLD WAR IV INSTEAD OF WORLD WAR III. ALSO THE LAST LINE IS SO DUMB EVEN THE WRITER REGRETS IT, THE DOG SAYS 'SHE HAD MARVELOUS JUDGEMENT, IF NOT PARTICULARLY GOOD TASTE" AFTER MURDERING AND EATING THE GIRL THE MAIN CHARACTER EARLIER RAPED REPEATEDLY.

Colossus, the Fobin Project [movie]

2011-07-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE IS HOW EASILY THE COMPUTER ACCEPTS THAT FOBIN NEEDS TO HAVE SEX WITH A MISTRESS, LIKE IT REJECTS THAT HE NEEDS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM OR SLEEP IN PRIVATE BUT ONLY OBJECTS THAT HE CAN'T POSSIBLY NEED TO HAVE SEX 7 NIGHTS A WEEK BUT INSTANTLY AGREES TO 4.

PS. I AM KINDA OKAY WITH COLOSSUS, I MEAN HE DID KILL SOME PEOPLE AND I GUESS IN REAL LIFE WE PULLED OUT OF THE COLD WAR ALRIGHT WITHOUT THIS BUT AT THE TIME "FUCK YOU, I'M GOING TO STOP THIS, AND ALSO HUNGER AND DISEASE" SEEMS PRETTY OKAY. ALSO THEY ARE REMAKING THIS WITH WILL SMITH AS FOBIN AND LOL, 100% CHANCE HE KICKS THE COMPUTER AT THE END.

War Games [movie]

2011-07-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

THE PART OF THIS MOVIE THAT SEEMED SO SCARY IS THAT I FEEL REALLY SURE THAT THE REAL GOVERNMENT PROBABLY WENT THROUGH THE SAME TEST THAT THE MOVIE OPENED WITH AND PROBABLY TALKED ABOUT SOLVING THE SAME 'ISSUE' IN REAL LIFE.

PS. THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE WAS THAT THE KID THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SO SUPER STRANGE FOR THERMONUCLEAR WAR TO BE THE NAME OF A GAME.

Super 8 [movie]

2011-07-27T12:36:00.001-07:00

THE PREMISE OF THIS MOVIE IS LITERALLY "CAN I MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT GROUPS OF PRE-TEEN BOYS DEALING WITH SOMETHING SCI-FI?" "NO, NO ONE MAKES THAT SORT OF MOVIE SINCE THE 80S" "OH OKAY, THIS MOVIE IS FROM THE 80S THEN" BUT OTHERWISE IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

PS. IS IT OKAY TO SAY THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MOVIE WITH A SMALLER BUDGET? DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

Red Dawn [movie]

2011-07-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

OH MAN THIS MOVIE, I LOVE HOW OBVIOUS IT IS WHAT THE AUTHOR CAN AND CAN'T WRITE AND HOW THINGS LIKE THE LOVE STORY OR THE GUY BETRAYING THEM HAPPENS TOTALLY OFF SCREEN AND NOT EVEN GETTING MENTIONED TILL THE END SO THERE CAN BE MORE SHOTS OF TANKS.

PS. I THINK EVERYONE ALIVE KNOWS THE PLOT OF THIS MOVIE JUST BY CULTURAL OSMOSIS BUT I HAD NO IDEA THAT THE INVADERS WERE SPECIAL HISPANIC SOVIETS, AYE AYE AYE.

Cedar Rapids [movie]

2011-07-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

I FORGOT I WATCHED THIS MOVIE! -A QUOTE FROM THE NEAR FUTURE.

PS. I GUESS IT HAD A LOT OF STARS IN IT?

Mad max 3: Beyond Thunderdome [movie]

2011-07-20T18:15:00.001-07:00

DESPITE STARING TINA TURNER THIS WAS A WORSE MOVIE THAN 2, ALSO I FEEL TOTALLY DISILLUSIONED HOW DEEPLY FALLOUT STOLE FROM THIS SERIES, I ALWAYS THOUGHT FALLOUT WAS EXTREMELY CREATIVE BUT EVERYTHING FROM BOOMERS TO LITTLETON ARE ALL JUST FROM THIS SERIES.

PS. PLUS I MEAN 'THE MASTER'? BLASTER IS CLEARLY BOTH THE ORIGIN OF SUPER MUTANT MINIONS AND THE MASTER BEING A COMBINED LIFEFORM.

Mad Max 2: Road Warrior [movie]

2011-07-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

I WILL MENTION A SECOND TIME HOW MUCH I LOVE THE FACT THE NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE HAPPENED OFF SCREEN BETWEEN MOVIES AND I LOVE THE FACT THIS IS CLEARLY AT LEAST 150 YEARS AFTER THE FIRST MOVIE WITH THE SAME CHARACTER AND NO EXPLANATION. I COULD EASILY SEE EVENTUALLY CALLING THIS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES THOUGH.

PS. WELL HOLY CRAP I GUESS I UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY GOT THE OPENING AND ENDING OF ALL THE FALLOUT GAMES NOW. FALLOUT 1 WAS NEAR PLAGIARISM!

Green lantern [movie]

2011-07-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

MAN THIS WAS A BAD MOVIE! EVERYTHING FELT LIKE IT JUST WENT ON FOREVER THEN FIZZLED OUT. LIKE THE WHOLE SINESTRO PLOT WAS "LETS MAKE A YELLOW RING" "LETS USE A YELLOW RING" "OH LETS NOT" AND PARALAX WAS DEFEATED WITH PRETTY MUCH NO EFFORT USING STUFF HE LEARNED IN THIS FIRST 5 MINUTES OF TRAINING.

PS. THIS MOVIE STARTED WITH SO MANY MINUTES OF BAD CGI THAT I THOUGHT "OH IS THIS A COMPUTER ANIMATED MOVIE?"

Mad Max [movie]

2011-07-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

WELL THAT SURE WAS A SURPRISE! I'VE BEEN MEANING TO WATCH THE MAD MAX SERIES FOR AGES DUE TO HOW MUCH OF AN INFLUENCE IT HAS BEEN ON POST APOCALYPTIC MEDIA AND ACTUALLY WATCHING THE FIRST ONE COMES AS QUITE A SHOCK. WHY? BECAUSE IT'S NOT ACTUALLY A POST APOCALYPTIC MOVIE IT'S A JUST BARELY SCI-FI NEAR MODERN DAY COP DRAMA THAT FOCUSES A LOT ON SHOWING OFF CARS. WHAT THE HECK, APPARENTLY THE WORLD ENDS OFF SCREEN BETWEEN THE FIRST AND SECOND MOVIE, IS THERE ANY OTHER SERIES IN HISTORY THAT DOES THAT?

PS. ALSO BARELY ANYTHING HAPPENS TILL THE LAST 17 MINUTES.

Gravity Wells [book]

2011-07-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

MAN THIS HAD A COOL STORY ABOUT VAMPIRES AND A COOL STORY ABOUT DRAWINGS ON TAROT CARD AND SOME KINDA BORING STORIES ABOUT FOG AND ORGANISMS.

PS. WHERE DID I READ "THREE HEARINGS ON THE EXISTENCE OF SNAKES IN THE HUMAN BLOODSTREAM" BEFORE? DID I HAVE THIS BOOK BEFORE ONCE? DO I JUST ABSORB SCIFI SHORT STORIES FROM THE ENVIRONMENT NOW? TARSHA CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE I READ THAT STORY BEFORE?

Harry Potter VII-2 [movie]

2011-07-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

DID IT SEEM LIKE THIS MOVIE CONSPIRED FOR SOME REASON TO HAVE A HUGE NUMBER OF SCENES WHERE PEOPLE HAD WET HAIR? I MEAN IT WAS ALL FROM THE BOOK BUT THERE WASN'T A 15 MINUTE BLOCK WHERE SOMEONE DIDN'T HAVE WET HAIR. ALSO THIS MOVIE DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DEATHLY HALLOWS, ANYTHING ABOUT THEM GOT LIKE 30 SECONDS SCREEN TIME.

PS. I FEEL YOU COULD MAKE A US VS UK VIEW OF WAR DOCUMENTARY JUST OUT OF THIS MOVIE AND THE BRITISH HABIT OF MAKING WAR ACTUALLY SEEM AWFUL INSTEAD OF THE US'S LOVE OF MAKING IT SEEM THRILLING AND HEROIC.

2150 [book]

2011-07-15T23:34:00.000-07:00

GOD I LOVE 1970S MYSTICISM. THIS ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE HAD A REALLY COOL ENDING IF IT WASN'T SO MUDDLED UP AND IF THEY HAD NOT DRIVEN WHAT THEY WERE DOING SO DAMN DEEP INTO THE GROUND. ALSO IF IT HAD THEMATICALLY FIT WITH THE BOOK AND DIDN'T FEEL LIKE "OH NEAT, LETS MAKE A JESUS METAPHOR THAT DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE REST OF THE THEMES OF THE BOOK"

PS. LATER DUDES, GOTTA GO WORK ON THE ELECTRICAL FIELD OF URANUS. BZZT.

X-men: first class [movie]

2011-07-12T18:21:00.000-07:00

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ENSLAVED! :CLOSE UP OF A BLACK MAN:

PS. I AM A BIG FAN THAT THEY DECIDED TO MAKE XAVIOR ACT LIKE DOCTOR WHO AND THEN DECIDED NOT TO MAKE ANY STUPID COMIC BOOK REASON HE WAS BALD.

How to survive in your liberal school [book]

2011-07-12T09:51:00.001-07:00

BLACKS IN PURPLE PANTS AND FLOPPY HATS, BLACKS IN PURPLE PANTS AND FLOPPY HATS, BLACKS IN PURPLE PANTS AND FLOPPY HATS, BLACKS IN PURPLE PANTS AND FLOPPY HATS, BLACKS IN PURPLE PANTS AND FLOPPY HATS, MAMA MIA!

PS. AT NO POINT DOES IT TELL YOU HOW TO SURVIVE IN YOUR LIBERAL SCHOOL. IT JUST WHINES THAT EVERY OTHER RACE WANTS TO STAY WITH IT'S OWN KIND AND WHY CAN'T BLACKS JUST DO THAT AND THEN PROVES GOD BY SAYING THAT EVEN HILBILLYS CAN TELL SOME STUFF IS BETTER THAN OTHER STUFF SO SOMETHING HAS TO BE THE BEST AND WHATEVER THAT IS IS GOD.

Tromeo And Juliet [movie]

2011-07-11T12:48:00.001-07:00

OH MAN THIS WAS THE DUMBEST MOVIE EVER BUT I LOVE THAT IT WAS TROMA SO IT ACTUALLY WAS CLEAR THAT SOMEONE WAS SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE SOURCE MATERIAL WELL ENOUGH TO TRANSLATE IT INTO THE DUMBEST MOVIE EVER.

PS. ALSO THIS MOVIE SERIOUSLY USED 'YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD TO GET A*HEAD* IN LIFE". NON-IRONICALLY.

Sex on the moon [book]

2011-07-10T05:59:00.000-07:00

I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE THIS BOOK OR IT'S WRITING AT ALL BUT I REALLY LIKE THAT I READ IT BECAUSE I LEARNED THAT SOME DUDE IN REAL LIFE STOLE A TON OF MOON ROCKS THEN PUT THEM IN A BED SO HE COULD HAVE SEX WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND ON TOP OF MOON ROCKS AND THAT IS WICKED FRIGGIN AWESOME.

PS. THE WORST PART OF THIS BOOK IS THERE ARE SECTIONS THEY HAVE TRANSCRIPTS FOR THE DIALOG AND SINCE THE REAL GUY SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE THE CRAPPY JAMES BOND THE AUTHOR WROTE THE REST OF THE DIALOG HE PEPPERS THOSE PARTS WITH "WHAT AM I SAYING!? HE THOUGHT" AND "I'M SO NERVOUS, THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT" AND OTHER SUCH DISCLAIMERS.

Who killed the electric car [movie]

2011-07-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

LOL THAT THIS MOVIE IS A FEW YEARS OLD AND THEY DRAMATICALLY ZOOMED IN ON $3.15 WHEN SAYING GAS PRICES HAVE SOARED. LOL AT THEM SAYING "GENERAL MOTORS IS ACTING LIKE UNCLE SAM AND UNCLE SAM IS ACTING LIKE IT'S GENERAL MOTORS" BECAUSE WELP!

PS. IT WAS WEIRD THE END WAS SO POSITIVE AFTER SPENDING AN HOUR AND A HALF MAKING A CASE THE CARS WERE INTENTIONALLY SUPPRESSED.

Megamind [movie]

2011-07-06T17:13:00.000-07:00

OH GOD I WATCHED THIS MOVIE NOT REALLY KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT IT AND THE HAL/TITAN/TIGHTEN PLOT ARC WAS LITERALLY ONE OF THE MOST UPSETTING THINGS IN A MOVIE IN LIKE FOREVER.

PS. I WATCHED THIS ON A BUS

Donkey Kong 94 [game]

2011-06-28T18:33:00.001-07:00

OH GOD I HAVE SO MANY VIDEOGAMES WHY DID I BUY THIS AND PLAY IT SO MUCH?

PS. BECAUSE IT WAS 4 DOLLARS.

Orgasm Inc [movie]

2011-06-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

YOU KNOW WHAT, SCREW THIS MOVIE, I MEAN I'M SURE PHARMACY COMPANIES ARE KINDA EVIL AND MONEY GRUBBING AND ALL THAT BUT IT'S PRETTY DAMN ANTI-LADIES TO THINK ONLY MEN CAN HAVE BIOLOGICAL PROBLEMS IN THEIR SEXUAL ORGANS AND THAT WOMEN JUST GOTTA GO AND TRY HARDER. THE SEXIST THING ISN'T THAT PEOPLE 'MADE UP' A DISEASE, THE SEXIST THING IS THAT EVERYONE WAITED TO LONG TO GIVE ENOUGH OF A FRIG TO CARE IF WOMEN HAD BIOLOGY AS LONG AS THE DUDE WAS GETTING OFF.

PS. LOL AT THE LABIAPLASTY WOMAN. THAT PART WAS ALRIGHT.

Bad Science [book]

2011-06-26T06:57:00.001-07:00

THIS BOOK IS PRETTY MUCH LITERALLY JUST DEMON HAUNTED WORLD 2008: UK EDITION AND THAT IS PRETTY FINE WITH ME.

PS. I AM MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD ABOUT BRAIN GYM.

You've got Murder [book]

2011-06-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A LOT WORSE, BUT THIS IS PRETTY MUCH SCI-FI WRITTEN FOR HOUSE WIVES AND THAT MADE IT REALLY FRUSTRATING TO READ. ON THE OTHER HAND I REALLY HATE MYSTERY NOVELS ANYWAY SO I WASN'T EVER GOING TO LIKE THIS.

PS. THE WHOLE STORY FELT LIKE SOMEONE READ THIS: http://www.infinityplus.co.uk/stories/under.htm THEN DECIDED TO WRITE A WAY CRAPPIER VERSION. ACTUALLY I JUDGE EVERY STORY WHERE SOMETHING IS SUPER SMART BY THAT STORY.

AEIOU: Any Easy Intimacy [comic]

2011-06-18T14:05:00.000-07:00

I THINK IT FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO RELATE TO THIS ONE A TON, I THINK CUTTING HAS BEEN A REPEATED THEME IN LADIES I DATE BUT IN THE END THERE WAS JUST A TON OF STUFF THAT REALLY JUST DIDN'T MAP TO ANYTHING OR ANYONE AT ALL. I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THE STORIES FROM THIS ONE RESONATED WITH ANYTHING.

PS. I LIED, MIXING A DRINK WITH A KNIFE RESONATED WITH ME MORE THAN ANYTHING EVER.

Rango [movie]

2011-06-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

WHY YES I DO THINK THIS WOULD HAVE MADE AN EXCELLENT FALLOUT QUEST.

PS. IF THE CROW WAS NATIVE AMERICAN DOES THAT MEAN THE HAWKS WERE ALSO?

Clumsy [comic]

2011-06-13T04:03:00.000-07:00

THERE IS A LOT I CAN RELATE TO WITH THIS COMIC FOR EXAMPLE SUCH AS A DARK HAIRED DIRTY HIPPY GIRL, THE SORT OF REAL LIFE FIGHTS REAL PEOPLE HAVE, AND SO ON, BUT AT THE END THE THING I RELATE TO THE MOST IS ANNOYANCE AT HER PICKING JET GIRL.

PS. I REALLY REALLY LIKE SHE WAS SICK ALL THE TIME AND IT JUST NEVER WENT ANYWHERE, IT DIDN'T END IN HER DIEING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, IT WAS JUST A THING THAT HAPPENED. I THINK THAT IS WHAT I REALLY RELATE TO THE MOST, HOW HARD THAT IS AND THE FIGHTS IS CAUSES.

All watched over by Machines of Loving Grace [television]

2011-06-09T06:07:00.000-07:00

THIS IS A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE FAILURE OF PHILOSPHICAL CYBERNETICS AND SYSTEM THEORIES AND ABOUT SHOWING THE HORRIBLE AND EVIL RESULTS OF THE PROMISES THAT COMPUTERS WOULD BE A SAVIOR AND I MEAN IT HAS A LOT OF THINGS I DISAGREE WITH BUT AT THE SAME TIME I REALLY LIKE THAT A HIGH BUDGET DOCUMENTARY GOT MADE ABOUT THIS TOPIC AT ALL BECAUSE WAS A WEIRD AND OBSCURE THING TO TRY TO REFUTE.

PS. ACTUALLY THIS WAS REALLY GOOD AND WELL RESEARCHED AND THE MUSIC WAS AMAZING AND I AM REALLY GLAD I WATCHED THIS BECAUSE NOW I AM ALL TRIPPING ON THE IDEA ECOSYSTEMS ARE A DUMB IDEA MADE UP BY STUPID PEOPLE.

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Shadow Wars [game]

2011-06-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

I BASICALLY NEVER PLAY 'BOY' GAMES AND PRETTY MUCH WOULD NEVER BE CAUGHT DEAD PLAYING A GAME LIKE THIS EXCEPT KMART HAD A SUPER LIMITED SLICE OF 3DS GAMES. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THIS GAME WASN'T AWFUL, THE GUY THAT MADE X-COM MADE IT AND THAT SHOWED. ALTHOUGH ON THE OTHER HAND THIS GAME CRASHES CONSTANTLY AND CERTAIN ATTACKS ARE SO BROKEN I'M NOT SURE ANYONE EVER EVEN PLAY TESTED THE GAME BEFORE SHIPPING IT.

PS: I BET I DON'T BUY ANOTHER 3DS GAME FOR A YEAR OR MORE AND JUST DOWNLOAD STUFF FROM THE E-SHOP.

Nightbreed [movie]

2011-06-02T04:10:00.000-07:00

MY MAIN COMPLAINT WITH THIS MOVIE IS THAT THE SOUND TRACK IS SO WHIMSICAL THAT IT RUINS THE WHOLE MOVIE AND THAT IS HILARIOUS BECAUSE LOOKING IT UP IT SEEMS THIS MOVIE ORIGINALLY HAD A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SOUND TRACK AND IT WAS CHANGED AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE TO BE LESS "CONFUSING". ALSO I AM GOING TO ADMIT I WATCHED THIS MOVIE BECAUSE TWO PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET WERE ARGUING IF THE NIGHTBREED REPRESENTED THE GAY COMMUNITY AND THAT WAS A WICKED WEIRD ARGUMENT. (CONCLUSION: NO, PROBABLY NOT, BECAUSE THAT THEME DOESN'T SEEM TO GO ANYWHERE. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND ALMOST ALL OF THE MALE MONSTERS ARE CODED AS GAY, SOOOO)

PS. IN MY OWN PERSONAL CANNON THIS MOVIE TAKES PLACE IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS 'LITTLE MONSTERS'

American Meth [movie]

2011-05-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

THIS IS A SUPER GENERIC DRUG DOCUMENTARY WHICH IS AWFUL BECAUSE AS FAR AS I CAN TELL METH HAS EXACTLY THE EFFECTS MOVIES PRETEND EVERY DRUG EVER HAS. THAT EFFECT IS: HAVING A TON OF SHIRTLESS BALD KIDS THAT SCREAM CONTINUOUSLY AND HAVE NAMES LIKE 'LALA'.

PS. THE TWO WORST PARTS WERE WHEN THEY WERE LISTING INGREDIENTS AND LISTING THINGS LIKE "PROPANE: THEY USE IT TOO MAKE A FIRE" AND THE PART THE COP WAS LIKE "THE THERAPISTS SAY ARRESTING THEM DOESN'T HELP BUT I DISAGREE", LIKE HOW HARD IS IT TO FIND LEGITIMATE THINGS WRONG WITH FRIGGIN METH? ALL YOU NEED FOR AN ANTI-METH VIDEO IS THAT RUSSIAN GIRL WHO'S BONES FELL OUT FLASHING ON THE SCREEN FOR A MINUTE OR TWO AND YOUR DONE.

Master of Reality [book]

2011-05-26T19:33:00.000-07:00

BY FAR THE THING I LIKE BEST ABOUT THIS BOOK IS THE FACT I HAVE READ ENOUGH ESSAYS BY CHILDREN THAT I CAN SAY THIS IS WRITTEN SPOT ON PERFECT HOW A KID WRITES AND I REALLY APPRECIATED HOW AFTER THE TIME SKIP HE WROTE MORE MATURELY BUT RETAINED A LOT OF CHILD DUMB IN HIS WRITING STYLE LIKE HE HAD BEEN STUNTED.

PS: BY FAR THE BEST PART OF THIS BOOK WAS THE TOTALLY NONSENSICAL PART ABOUT ROCKS AND LASERS BECAUSE THAT RULED. ALSO THE THE BEST PART OF THE BOOK IS NOW I CAN TALK ABOUT BLACK SABBATH LIKE I HAVE WELL THOUGHT OUT OPINIONS ABOUT INDIVIDUAL SONGS.

Machete Maidens [movie]

2011-05-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

THIS IS A DOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE HISTORY OF AMERICAN FLIM MAKING IN THE PHILIPPINES, PARTICULARLY Z GRADE DRIVE IN HORROR MOVIE EXPLOITATION FILMS. AND IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT TOTALLY WAS TALKING LIKE IT WAS PRETTY DOWN ON THE EXPLOITATION BUT I MEAN THIS MOVIE WAS MOSTLY JUST AN EXCUSE TO SHOW ALL THE BOOBIES AND TORTURE PORN FROM THE MOVIES.

PS. I MEAN I GUESS LABOR LAWS WERE DIFFERENT THEN AND THERE BUT IT SEEMED LIKE SOME OF THE DIRECTORS WERE ADMITTING TO PRETTY MUCH STRAIGHT UP MANSLAUGHTER.

Pokemon Black [game]

2011-05-14T07:01:00.000-07:00

OTHER THAN THE TOTALLY DUMB IMPLICATION THAT TEAM PLASMA WAS LYING DID ANYONE ELSE FEEL MORE SYMPATHETIC WITH N AND TEAM PLASMA THAN THE TRAINERS? IN THE FIRST GAME POKEMON WERE CLEARLY MAGIC ANIMALS WHICH WAS ONLY SORT OF OKAY BUT THEY ARE CLEARLY PEOPLE NOW.

PS. I BOUGHT THIS GAME HOPING IT WAS GONNA BE SOME BIG SOCIAL GAMING THING SINCE PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE I KNOW PLAYED IT TOO BUT IT KINDA NEVER REALLY WORKED OUT. I THINK I REALLY HAD BEEN THINKING OF HOME NETWORKING AND INTERNET CONNECTED GAMING AS UNIVERSAL BY THIS POINT BUT IT PROBABLY IS STILL NOT.

Feminism is for Everybody [book]

2011-05-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TOLD ME I HAD TO READ SOMETHING BY BELL HOOKS BUT I KINDA WANTED TO TRY AND CHEAT BY READING THE SHORTEST POSSIBLE BOOK BUT THIS BOOK WAS PRETTY CLEVER. THE FIRST PART WAS SUPER INTRODUCTORY AND ALMOST LIKE A CHILDREN'S BOOK EXPLAINING ALL THE TERMS AND STUFF BUT ABOUT 1/3rd OF THE WAY IN IT SORTA STARTED TO SHIFT TO THE OTHER MEANING OF THE TITLE AND FOCUSED A LOT OF SPACE BEING PRETTY BRUTAL AGAINST THINGS LIKE FEMINISM AS PRACTICED BY GROUPS THAT THREW BLACK FEMINISTS UNDER THE BUS WHEN IT SERVED THEM OR ANTI-CHOICE FEMINISTS AND HOW THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AND IT WAS KINDA COOL HOW IT FLIPPED THE TITLE LIKE THAT.

PS. THERE WAS AN OFFHAND MENTION TO HOW MEDICAL SCIENCE GETTING SUPER HARDCORE INTO THE NECESSITY OF BREAST FEEDING RIGHT AS (WHITE) WOMEN STARTED TO WORK AND I HAVE BEEN GOING BACK AND FORTH IN MY HEAD ALL DAY AS TO IF THAT IS A REALLY GOOD OR REALLY STUPID POINT.

Handmaiden's tale [book]

2011-05-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

I PROMISED SOMEONE I'D HAVE A BIG DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS BOOK SO I WILL ONLY DROP MY LEAST SERIOUS OBSERVATION: UNDERCURRENTS OF ANTI-FOOTBALLISM.

"we weren't allowed out, except for our walks, twice daily, two by two around the football field, which was enclosed now by a chain-link fence topped with barbed wire."

"The football stadium is that way too, where they hold the Men's Salvagings. As well as the football games. They still have those."

"They [men] aren't a patch on a woman except they're better at fixing cars and playing football, just what we need for the improvement of the human race, right?"

"At last the Commander in charge of this service comes in. He's balding and squarely built and looks like an aging football coach."

PS: HIGH LEVELS OF BANGOR MAINE NAME DROPPING! IT MAKES ME WANT TO PRETEND I'D BE PART OF THE UNDERGROUND WOMEN'S RAILROAD BUT MAYBE EVERYONE IN EVERY REAL SOCIETY THAT HAS TAKEN A DARK PATH PRETENDS THEY'D BE THE ONE THAT RESISTS.

New York [city]

2011-05-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

ONE TIME I WENT TO NEW YORK CITY AND ATE SOME LUNCH THEN CAME HOME.

PS. ALSO WATCHED TV IN A BATHROOM.

Tough Guise [movie]

2011-05-06T15:44:00.000-07:00

I MEAN THIS IS TEN YEARS OLD NOW SO IT KINDA SEEMS A LITTLE COMICALLY OUT OF DATE SINCE THAT STYLE OF ACTION MOVIE SEEMS SUPER 90S NOW AND SOME OF THE SPECIFIC POINTS SEEM AWFUL SUBVERTED, ALSO BEING SUPER PRO MARK MCGUIRE IS WICKED LOL NOW. BUT THE BASIC IDEA STANDS UP. THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE WAS POINTING OUT HOW MUCH MORE MUSCLEY LUKE SKYWALKER TOYS ARE NOW COMPARED TO AT LAUNCH. IT DOESN'T REALLY EVEN MAKE SENSE FOR LUKE SKYWALKER TO BE MUSCLELY. (ACTUALLY THE BEST PART WAS SOME POINTS IT MADE ABOUT ANTI-AUTHORITY TRANSGRESSIVE HUMOR AND HOW IT'S ALWAYS TOTALLY SUPER CONSERVATIVE IN A WAY YOU DON'T ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT)

PS: WHENEVER I WATCH ONE DOCUMENTARY I END UP WATCHING LIKE 5 BECAUSE IF I EVER MENTION I WATCHED ONE TO SOMEONE THEY ALWAYS MENTION ANOTHER TO WATCH AND THEN I WANT TO WATCH IT.

End:Civ [movie]

2011-05-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

I AM SUPER NOT OKAY WITH DARK GREEN PHILOSOPHY. I MEAN I KINDA GET THAT I WOULDN'T BE AND I'M THE DUDE THAT LITERALLY TALKS ABOUT THE DEIFICATION OF TECHNOLOGICAL OBJECTS BUT I REALLY DON'T LIKE DARK GREEN STUFF, AT THE VERY LEAST IT SHOULD TRANSLATE INTO DOOMED NIHILISM IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT FOR 5 SECONDS AND REALIZE THE GROUP THAT WANTS TO SHED TECHNOLOGY ISN'T GONNA BEAT THE GROUP THAT WANTS TO KEEP IT IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT SO IT'S A SILLY THING TO CALL FOR.

PS. THE REASON THAT GENOCIDE AGAINST NATIVES IS BAD ISN'T BECAUSE THEY ARE SOME GARDEN OF EDEN NOBLE SAVAGE. THE REASON THAT GENOCIDE IS BAD IS BECAUSE THEY ARE *HUMAN*

Portal 2 [game]

2011-04-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

PORTAL WAS SUCH A GOOD GAME IT REALLY FELT LIKE THIS GAME COULD NEVER LIVE UP TO IT BUT OVERALL IT REALLY DID, THE SONG WAS LESS GOOD AND THERE WAS PARTS BETWEEN CHAMBERS WHERE THE PUZZLES HAD THAT VIDEOGAMY PROBLEM OF YOU BEING ABLE TO IDENTIFY THE PUZZLE ELEMENTS EASIER THAN THE GOAL OF THE PUZZLE. BUT THIS GAME STILL DELIVERED 'SHE HAS A MEDICAL DEGREE IN FASHION FROM FRANCE' AND A STORY THAT WAS INCREDIBLY ENGAGING.

PS. I LIKE THAT GLADOS, CAVE, WHEATLY AND THE APOCALYPSE EMERGENCY SYSTEM ALL HAD ALMOST IDENTICAL FUNCTIONS AS CHARACTERS BUT ALL MANAGED TO BE UNIQUELY HILARIOUS EXCEPT MAYBE THE APOCALYPSE EMERGENCY SYSTEM, I DON'T THINK THAT HAD ANY MEMORABLE LINES BUT CAVE AND WHEATLY ONLY HAD MEMORABLE LINES.

Cutting Edge 2: Going for the Gold [movie]

2011-04-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE IS THE IMPLICATION HE WAS GOING TO SHAKE UP SKATING WITH HIS UNCONVENTIONAL STREET MOVES AND THEN NOTHING EVEN RESEMBLING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN ANY CAPACITY. THE WORST PART OF THIS MOVIE WAS EVERY PART OF THIS MOVIE.

PS. WHY DID THE PARENTS WANT HIM SO MUCH? FORCING HIM TO LIVE IN THEIR HOUSE AND TIEING THEM TO THEIR DAUGHTER? AS FAR AS THEY KNEW HE WAS A GUY SHE SCREWED IN CALIFORNIA AND THEN HE STALKED HER.

Summer's Moon [movie]

2011-04-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

I MEAN MAYBE I AM TOO USED TO MOVIE PEOPLE BEING SUPERHEROS AND THIS IS GONNA BE ALL BLAME THE VICTIM BUT THERE WAS ABOUT A MILLION TRILLION SCENES WHERE IT WASN'T REALLY CLEAR WHY SHE DIDN'T ESCAPE OR KILL THEM I MEAN THERE IS EVEN A PART WHERE THEY GAVE HER A KNIFE TO HOLD. I LOVED THE BAIT AND SWITCH ANTAGONISTS THOUGH SINCE THE FIRST ONE WAS SUPER DOUCHEY AND I WAS JUST GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT IN THIS REVIEW UNTIL IT TURNED OUT HE ENDED UP PROTECTING HER AND THERE WAS AN EVEN MORE BAD BAD GUY.

PS. I LOVED THE FLY MOTIF, I WONDER IF THEY BOUGHT FLIES.

Resonance of Fate [game]

2011-04-18T10:07:00.000-07:00

I HONESTLY THINK THIS GAME GOT SUCH BLAH REVIEWS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE REVIEWING IT WERE TOO DUMB TO UNDERSTAND THE COMPLICATED COMPLICATED MECHANICS BECAUSE I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS GAME, EXCEPT MAYBE I LOVED IT TOO MUCH AND GOT ALL WEIRDLY OVER LEVELED SO THE LAST TWO CHAPTERS WEREN'T FUN. OH ALSO "I'M GONNA FILL YOU WITH MORE HOLES THAN A BEEHIVE' WASN'T FUN TO HEAR SO MANY TIMES. ALSO I LOVE HOW IT WAS A RIFF ON THE SAME STORY AS FINAL FANTASY 13, WAS THAT INTENTIONAL?

PS. YOU HAD TO FIGHT DOGS WEARING HATS AND THE HATS HAD THEIR OWN HP BARS.

Packing for Mars [book]

2011-04-17T15:56:00.000-07:00

MARY ROACH BOOKS TEACH ME SO MANY AMAZING FACTS THAT I AM STARTING TO JUST THINK THEY ARE ALL MADE UP. ON THE OTHER HAND I WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE SPACE TOILETS ARE AWFUL AND THEY JUST PRETEND THEY WORK RIGHT FOR PUBLIC IMAGE AND THAT JAPANESE ASTRONAUTS HAVE TO DO ORAGAMI TESTS AND DRAW COLOR PENCIL DRAWINGS OF THEIR CREW.

PS. THIS BOOK HAD BARELY ANYTHING TO DO WITH PACKING FOR MARS OR MARS AT ALL. ALSO WHY DIDN'T IT FOLLOW THE NAMING CONVENTION OF OTHER MARY ROACH BOOKS? IT SHOULD BE "SPACE: THE CURIOUS SCIENCE OF LEAVING THE EARTH".

Bossypants [book]

2011-04-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

THIS DID NOTHING FOR MY INABILITY TO SEPARATE LIZ LEMON FROM TINA FAY. IT ALSO MADE ME REALIZE THAT TINA FAY USES BETTER MADE UP WORDS THAN ME AND THAT I HOPE NO ONE ELSE READS THIS BOOK AND REALIZES THAT I JUST AM SLOWLY STEALING AND INTEGRATING TINA FAY MADE UP WORDS INTO MY VOCABULARY.

PS. IT WAS WEIRD BECAUSE THE BABY TOENAIL THING WAS ON 30 ROCK LIKE LAST WEEK, AND I KEPT EXPECTING THE BOOK TO MENTION THAT AND NOW IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS TRYING TO PULL SOMETHING OVER ON ME.

Panty And Stocking with Garder Belt [anime]

2011-04-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

I LOVED THE WAY THIS DID JOKES WITH ANIMATION STYLE AND CAMEOS BY STUFF LIKE REN AND STIMPY BUT MAN WAS THIS SHOW EMBARRASSING TO WATCH, FROM HOW SHE LOST HER POWER AT THE END TO THE TITLE OF THE SHOW, GOD DAMN I FEEL ASHAMED THIS WILL EVEN BE ON THIS BLOG AS A THING I WATCHED FROM THE NAME ALONE.

PS. I LOVED THAT GIR WAS A MAIN CHARACTER DESPITE THE FACT I DON'T EVEN REMOTELY UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OR WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THAT EPISODE THAT OBVIOUSLY WAS THERE TO EXPLAIN IT.

Boston [City]

2011-04-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

I WENT TO BOSTON ONCE AS A JOKE, A RADIO AD SAID THERE WAS A YARN FESTIVAL SO WE DROVE ALL THE WAY TO BOSTON TO SEE THE YARN FESTIVAL BUT IT WAS LIKE 2AM WHEN WE GOT THERE SO WE DROVE RIGHT BACK WITHOUT STOPPING.

PS. BUBBAJAM IS FROM BOSTON.

Chicago [City]

2011-04-13T13:15:00.001-07:00

I WENT TO CHICAGO ONCE, I ATE SOME FOOD AND SAW A CAT.

PS. I WENT SOME PLACES FARRIS BUELLER WENT

Afrikorps [book]

2011-04-10T16:29:00.000-07:00

THIS IS A BOOK WHERE IT'S THE FUTURE WHERE SPANISH SPEAKING MUTANTS HAVE TAKEN OVER AMERICA AND AFRICANS, INCLUDING AFRICANS WHO HAVE BECOME MONKEYS THREATEN TO TAKE OVER EUROPE, AND THREATEN TO OVERTAKE THE WHITE PEOPLE'S CIVILIZED LANDS. ALSO IT IS WRITTEN LIKE A CHILDREN'S CHAPTER BOOK WITH SUPER LARGE FONT AND 3 PAGE LONG CHAPTERS ABOUT AN INVISIBLE TANK NAMED MIGHT MAX BUT ALSO CONTAINS LINES LIKE "SHE PULLED HIM INTO HER SOFT, MOIST TREASURE, THEN SHE BEGAN A SLOW ROTATION BENEATH HIS BODY" SO, WELP!

PS. ME MY BROTHER AND SISTER WENT TO BULL MOOSE AND FOUND THE WORST 50 CENT BOOKS POSSIBLE BECAUSE WE ARE ALL HIPSTERS THAT LIKE THINGS IRONICALLY. MY SISTER GOT "WHORESON" AND MY BROTHER GOT 3 BOOKS FROM THE "RAT BASTARD" SERIES.

Undoing Gender [book]

2011-04-07T14:59:00.000-07:00

THE CHAPTERS ABOUT GENDER AND SEXUALITY WERE REALLY WELL WRITTEN AND ENLIGHTENING BUT THE CHAPTERS ABOUT OTHER THINGS SEEMED TO BE WRITTEN REALLY BADLY AND GO OFF TOWARDS CRAZYTOWN, PARTICULARLY A WHOLE CHAPTER ABOUT HOW EVERY KID NEEDS A LITTLE INCEST THAT I AM PRETTY SURE MUST HAVE BEEN PART OF SOME SORT OF CRAZY FREUDIAN THEORY THAT I DON'T KNOW THAT MADE MORE SENSE IF IT WASN'T GOING OVER YOUR HEAD. ALSO THIS BOOK WAS WICKED DOWN ON GAY MARRIAGE FOR BEING HETERONORMATIVE.

PS. I ASKED FOR PEOPLE TO SUGGEST BOOKS THEN SOMEONE DID AND I JUST READ SOME OTHER BOOK INSTEAD THEN COMPLAIN THE BOOK I RANDOMLY PICK TO READ IS OF VARYING QUALITY CHAPTER TO CHAPTER.